Why I couldn’t sleep until morning
I. Because
my heart wouldn’t stop
punchbagging my lungs
because
II. my brother told me
someone at work
tested positive for that thing
that’s too current to write about
if you’re creating
art
That morning I dreamt about
my dead mother
in my childhood home
adrift
in a hot pink room
with a television
blaring homicide
Soandso’s coming Thursday
my dead mother said
Soandso’s coming Friday
all of us gathering
like we do for holidays
or for death
III. his coworker’s quarantined
now
but my head feels hot
and I ask my brother
when he’ll get tested
by which I mean
how long until
my brain can stop
chasing these nightmares,
ouroboros eating
its own calamitous self
IV. and I think about
how they share a workspace—but
not at the same time
he hastened to tell me,
and
they wipe everything down
between shifts—but
between us
we don’t talk about
V. the virus and
enclosed spaces
and air
I’m still waiting to hear
his test results
and wondering
why I dreamt about murder
when my mother died of old age
and I know it’s because of
VI. those who have led us
to it is what it is
to “avoidable” = “acceptable” risk
to “essential” = “expendable” workers
to number one in the world
so
VII. to hell
with art,
I’m writing
Tara Campbell (www.taracampbell.com) is a writer, teacher, Kimbilio Fellow, and fiction editor at Barrelhouse. She received her MFA from American University in 2019. Previous and upcoming publication credits include SmokeLong Quarterly, Masters Review, Wigleaf, Jellyfish Review, Booth, Strange Horizons, and CRAFT Literary. She's the author of a novel, TreeVolution, and two collections, Circe's Bicycle and Midnight at the Organporium. Her newest book, Political AF: A Rage Collection, was released by Unlikely Books in August 2020.